No Longer Abused:
An Online Teaching Series
In Twenty-One 60-minute moduleS, Author/abuse survivor Kim O'Hara will be joined by authors/fellow survivors who will co-facilitate from their books. Many of these women share a story of abuse, denial, neglect or work in a field of healing people recovering from abuse.
All 21 Sessions are all available on line to view below.
Welcome to this teaching series from my book No Longer Denying Sexual Abuse: Making Choices That Can Change Your Life
I am so glad you found this safe teaching space where twice a month for 21 weeks I will collaborate with a Guest Author and Expert to teach on the phases of coming out of abuse denial outlined in my book.
I woke up from a dream when I was 42, understanding I was molested as a young child, and my whole life changed forever… for the better.
But not right away.
I went through some very painful stages, unable to find support groups that could take me on a linear path of recovery or remove a victim mentality. I understood I had to walk through the shedding of denial first before I could write a book about it, and then teach the process in hindsight. This book outlines the 11 years of my recovery, and today I can facilitate as a woman healed and on the other side of sexual abuse denial.
When we have been abused, our subconscious lies about the truth to us for as long as it can before we are emotionally ready. For some, this is quick, but for many others like me, it took decades to face the abuse, understand the past and find a new voice. By then, I had already functioned as a false persona in so many areas of my life for so long, I didn’t even know who I was. Abuse had altered my original identity and affected the way I handled money, spirituality, friendships, success, and my ability to love myself.
"I avoided picking this book up for months. I am familiar with the author, Kim O'Hara, and know her to be a fantastic storyteller and vibrant writer, but I generated a false belief that this book was not for me just based on the title. I am not a victim of sexual abuse, so how could this book be relevant to me? It took me finally opening up the book and reading it from page one to realize that this was a story about so much more. As soon as I started reading, I fell into the storytelling. It spoke to me as a fellow human, united in the experience of hardships and perseverance in the face of obstacles. I am a woman, a latch-key kid, a child of divorced narcissists, and know plenty about overcoming adversity and trauma of other kinds---Kim spoke to all of that in her experience of sexual abuse and the work we do to acknowledge it as a universal quest of self-acceptance and self-love. Reading her book was like being in conversation with a good girlfriend who has your back, who lives from experience, and who knows what it means to honor all of who she is."
-Katie Post, MA, CPCC, PCC, Executive Leadership Coach, Co-Elevate Coaching + Consulting, LLC.
"This book beautifully shares how important it is to face your experience and regain your power. The author's vulnerability creates a path for men and women to share their truth and begin their journey of healing. A testimony that life on the other side of truth can be amazing!"
- Angie Wisdom, Life Coach, Author - The Non-Negotiable You
“Kim O’Hara has written a triumph. Her story held me spellbound as she revealed the answers to life challenges far beyond those stemming from sexual abuse. There is not one person who will not benefit and grow from the lessons learned through her journey. A must read for deep insights in self growth.”
- Naomi Joseph, Author: Binge & Sprint
Recorded Series Sessions
Recordings are 45 minutes.
Kim is joined by Rachel Brooks, author of Chasing Imperfection - A Journey to Feeling, Fitness and Self-Love {watch replay here}
In this 45 minute recording, Kim tells her story and the impact the remembering had on her. She knew the dream she had was very different from any dream or memory she ever had. Kim taps into the behavior we had over our lives when we didn't remember, and explains how while the abuse pushed the real you down, remembering opens the door to our future. Rachel shares about the body image issues and body dysmorphia.
Kim is joined by Gretchen Hydo, author of Dirty Little Secrets of Women: A New You in 10 Secret- Breaking Stages [watch the replay here]
In this session, Kim and Gretchen dive into understanding your past when it comes to the old story before you started facing abuse. Kim shares how she went through her story in the past, and also urges the survivor to take it slow. It is not a rush. We uncover patterns in our lives and they require time to process. Gretchen shares about the abuse being a secret, and the various payoff we receive for keeping it. She shares how to shed the secret.
Kim is joined by Sasha Stair, author of The Inside Job [watch the replay here]
In this session, Kim and Sasha look at their silence with their childhood molestation, and how this affected them facing the abuse moving forward. They address the perils of living in a state of denial which can include doubting the truth of your memories, and allowing in abusive behavior as an adult. It is critical at this time to lean into hope, and find faith in building a new operating system for yourself. We also talk about the corporate world and how to handle sexual assault.
Kim is joined by Deanna Herrin, author of Unbecoming [watch the replay here]
In this session, Kim and Deanna look at the voices that were created from their childhood abuse, as well as coping mechanisms such as drinking to silence the pain. They address the good and bad voices, and how to discern the truth that they are believing about themselves. It is critical at this time to understand for a long time your voice was in limited mode of anger or silence, and now you get to shape a new voice of your own. We give tips and tools on how to vet the silent voice and to name the emotions that arise.
Kim speaks solo on the condition of panic attacks and anxiety with abuse survivors, and her struggle overcoming her condition as she healed [watch the replay here]
In this session, Kim tackles Fight or Flight, a condition we developed originally as humans back when there were animal predators and danger to our survival in primative settings. Now, in modern day, this is applies to dangers we have experienced from the hands of our abusers, and way past the abuse, the perils remain in our minds. We also take the feelings of shame and guilt we have about being abused and turn in on ourselves with self-defeating thinking which can also cause panic and anxiety. I give my story and also offer a wonderful breathing exercise that has saved me so many times, as well as some mindset adjustments to consider.
Kim is joined by Integrative Psychotherapist Mira Rocca, author of The My Body Empowered Journal [watch the replay here]
In this session, Kim and Mira look at the approaches to therapy with the mind and body, as well as how to process the trauma that comes up with patience and radical self care. Discussed is choosing a therapist and suggestions on how to do so, as well as understanding the survival mode to flee when new truths are revealed. Mira also provides an excellent description of the tapping and EMDR modalities and how they can help in the healing process.
Kim shares what it means for a survivor to start telling others in their circle about their abuse, and the importance of knowing your own story. [watch the replay here]
In this session, Kim provides a script for how to reach out to various family members or friends to let them know about the history of abuse. She also affirms how critical it is for the telling to be done in safe circles, or for reasons that are positive for the survivor and not because they feel ashamed or confessing some dark past.
Kim is joined by Author Laurie Timms as they speak about how abuse and the trauma affected them physically and the historical effects of repressed abuse. [watch the replay here]
Whether it is facing autoimmune disorders or looking at epigentics, we can't avoid a conversation about the effects of trauma on our bodies, and how we need to take radical care of our annual health visits to doctors and mindfulness with the signals our bodies give us in recovery.
Kim is joined by Author Seema Desai as they speak about how their upbringings created a container for them to repress their feelings and then bring that stored anger and rage out on their children. Once they became clear through coaching and therapy about their inner voices rebelling against their exposure to hard messaging as children, they were able to get clearer about how to parent in a loving way.
Getting curious and asking questions about your anger especially when you come from a history of abuse is one of the most effective ways to recovery and not pass on the abuse to your children. You also find within you is a softer self who demands less of others, and therefore of yourself.
Kim is joined by Abigail Bruce, a highly certified Integrative & Holistic Nurse Practitioner, Certified Life & Transformational Coach and Intuitive Guide who is facilitating in transitions, relationships and wellbeing. She brings a grounding to this talk today into our bodies and how they function in relation to the energy brought on by trauma stored in our body.
Today is an important topic, as when we have been violated, we take on the intrusive energy of the abuser. There is no reciprocity. We are taken from. Your energy source has been rendered powerless, and when we deny or suppress the abuse truths in our life, they get imbalanced, especially when it comes to masculine and feminine energy.
We become strong when we face our denial of who we are and step into our energetic selves. We need to descend from the selective amnesia to awaken. You are here today to heal you. What is one of our biggest challenges is misaligning our energy amidst challenging self doubt. We need to examine how we are vibrating when we are misaligned.
Kim is joined by Caroline Blanchard, a author, mom and transformational and sobriety coach, who brings deep insight as a survivor to this conversation about the neglect and recovery of the relationship with our inner child.
We discuss today how the wounded inner child would run the show in our adult lives. Rage, tantrums, freak outs, dramatizing everything and overall overreacting. This is the child within who has been ignored as an abuse victim and forced to grow up at a young age. Many of us covered our sadness and shame with drugs and alcohol. All to quiet that inner little girl who was so pissed off she had been ignored, abused, misplaced, underappreciated and not loved or understood. In other words, split and disassociated from the abuse, we are not our whole adult selves and we are tasked to raise children, run companies and be married. We struggle with safety and intimacy, with the inner child, at a variety of ages whether it be 5, 8, 11 running the show.
Kim is joined by Jenna Banks, author, speaker and business leader, who brings in great insight on how we can sabotage our power, and how to lean deeper into self love
Survivor power arrives at a stage where we get to take all we have been working on for ourselves through our recovery from abuse, and bring it together in a powerful sense of who we are now, and who we have become in this new incarnation of self. We discuss ways to keep our power in check such as knowing your values in this new sense of self, connecting with nature and being mindful of the runaway negative self talk in our heads. This new sense of power that was not evident before when we were in the muddled mind of the denial of our history and abuse, enables us to become our whole selves. We get to be free of guilt and shame, and step deeper into self-love and power.
Kim is joined by Rebecca Whitman, author, speaker and coach, who brings in great insight on how we can emerge from shame, and learn how to live and abundant and beautiful life in our recovery from abuse.
As survivors, we naturally feel shame about the situations we were in. Did we cause them? Are we to blame? Shame prevents us from living in the present because we are afraid of what others will do to us, and therefore perpetuate more shame. Shame and blame go hand in hand. When we are in victim mode, our shame makes us retaliate often on people who are here to love us that we can trust. We get to be aware of our unhealthy wiring from the abuse and not project our guilt if we feel we have done something wrong. It’s our responsibility to untangle this relationship with shame so we can be more intimate and find deeper more loving connections to ourself and others. We also get to experience feeling vast amounts of joy.
What is a denial memory and how does it affect us, especially as we are far along in recovering from the shame and pain of our abuse history?
Denial memories is a very specific concept that I introduce in my book that is not often talked about. We have our abuse memories and flashbacks, but what is a denial memory? Triggers related to the person we were in denial can overlap into our evolved persona in recovery and set us back. We can perceive behaviors or reactions as similar to when we were not aligned with our true self. These memories, if we are not grounded, can throw us out of sync with the new version of our life. We can regress back to old feelings of shame and have visceral reactions, even if the person who may have made the comment or initiated the scenario truly meant us no harm. We have to learn how to discern what is stemming from old self and what we can move on from in the newer version of ourselves.
Kim is joined by coach Rachel Karu, MS, PCC, author of Stepping into More: Lessons from a Recovering Perfectionist, who brings great wisdom to the talk about commitment. Growing up with emotional and sexual abuse, she learned how to be vulnerable and couragous in how she approached responsibilities in her life .
Why did we dodge commitments to ourselves and others when we were trapped in the denial and secrets of our abuse? Not committing to others and being able to leave gives us a false sense of power, leaving us lacking true intimacy. Identifying your values in the newly emerging self in recovery is one of the keys to putting actions behind your commitments. The new self emerges when we become aware of our past, and face it, and can build a new level of trust in ourselves and others when we keep commitments.
TW: Male rape.
Kim is joined by author and survivor Jay Westbrook who brings his story of surviving a severe childhood of rape and torture to talk about connecting to a spiritual source and forgiveness. Jay brings to this talk a powerful recovery from generational trauma and incest. As our only male in the series, I applaud Jay's courage to speak about what he endured to come out on the other side and help others who are dying as a a Certified Hospice and Palliative Nurse.
The key topics both Jay and Kim unpack in this session is the surrender to a higher spirit as your guide. This is challenging for abuse survivors as surrender can put us in a state again of being out of control and vulnerable. But now, we are looking to a spiritual guide that only has our best interest in heart. In this spiritual reboot of selves, we can find our greatest gifts in the world that have been long buried. That new voice we have can be in leadership, or parenting or romance. We can bring new goals and values we have found to a place where there is a kind and loving spiritual force pushing us forward.
Kim is joined by author and abuse survivor Naomi Joseph who brings to this session teachings from her 40 year journey through Binge Eating Disorder and liberation from her struggle with food - what she identifes in this book is the root of her food addiction which was the abusive manner in which her father ran his household. She credits her deep meditation practice as the key to calming down the old dark punishing voices in her head from the abuse.
Naomi and I explore the fraught relationship for many abuse survivors with their bodies due to the way they are treated by their abusers and disassociation. Often trapped by the abuse and frozen by terror, they turn that projected hate and violence on to themselves. We become mirrors of the shame of actions that were done to us, often when we were small children. Now, in recovery, we get to stop binging, over exercising, and ignoring our bodies, and become friends with them. We get to have a new relationship with our body. One of loving consideration.
Kim is joined by professional life and recovery coach & abuse survivor Tanya Ourabka who brings to this session her experiences in over acheiving and running from her emotional trauma in childhood. She used being a do-er and drinking excessively to not have to face her history and its weighty effects on her inner child.
Tanya and I explore tools to slow down our minds and bodies so we can listen and lean in with awareness to all the good coming into our lives. We both share about the frenetic energy of the trauma brain, and how used self-importance to burn through life, while simultaneously using alcohol to numb our pain. We both have experienced growth through personal development in this area, and today we can find peace in the stillness of our life purpose.
Kim is joined by author and abuse survivor Marie Mosely who brings to this session the stories of her experiences in a 25 year toxic marriage, and what she did to hide the pain from her family and friends. Today she is happily married, and has found the path to self-love as well as finding God.
Marie and I get honest about how we did not engage in healthy romantic relationships from the hardships of our youth. While Marie was not sexually abused, she was pregnant at a young age by a 14 year old who was already grooming her to be his abuse victim. She was punished and violated for decades after, through three more children. We share our tools and tips on how to attract partners who are healthy, when we have found health within ourselves.
Kim is joined by author and abuse survivor Jae Wu who brings to this session the stories of her experiences growing up in a home of strict physical punishment by her parents, as well as being forced to be the disciplinarian for her sisters. She fled the home at a young age, and as she became a happy and thriving adult, was able to forgive her mom and forge a new relationship.
While a lot of my healing modalities were energy work, such as Breathwork, past-life regressions and Harmonyum, Jae and I both had surrender to the fact that our abusers should no longer be punished for their wrong doings. We had to release our anger and blame so we could no longer be captive to the abuse story. Once we were clear on who we were, and how we could live, we started to also shed money blocks.
Kim is joined by author Fran Hauser who brings to this session her experiences working in corporate America, and how women will tend to not stand in their greatest lives and power. She has the amazing tips and tools to bring into the new life you will experience now that you are coming into the tail end of so much work in recovery!
When we walk through all the stages of recovery, our gift is we get to begin a new life. Sometimes, the happiness and joy we are now receiving can feel foreign to us, and we may hedge. One of the ways to anchor into the new you is to connect deeply with that soul part of you that is pure and untouched. Your inner voice and essence of self, now cleared from the wreckage of the abuse, will be one of your most powerful guides in your new life!